The door closes behind me
And I breathe a sigh of relief
Finally all alone
I like it here, would you believe?
Believe me
It doesn’t get better
Stumbling onto the soft bed
And snuggling with my old sweater
Listening to every and any kind of music all around
With no prying eyes
And no judgemental frowns
The sign of isolation
Fills my room with magic
It takes away my melancholy and everything that you might call tragic
Here, I console myself
And I make myself laugh
Here, I make myself believe
That life cannot be just a linear graph
The most honest conversations I ever have
Are behind those doors
Where my selfish self can breathe
Without thinking that others are keeping scores
I’m perfect here
Because imperfection is the theme behind
I can choose to say no here
And you know what, this time, my heart won’t mind
The same heart that flutters at new conversations
That makes me think twice, thrice, a billion times
Before any alterations
Here is the only place it finds its calm
Where I usually sit with a smile on my face
And a book in my palms.
Here all the fantasies are true
And everything achievable
Political chatter is welcomed
Without being called unreasonable
Everything is possible here
Without the fear of others
This is where I am best
Where I am always willing to be rediscovered
You might call me an introvert
You might say this is not how you live your life
But to tell you the truth
The behind-the-scenes
Are the favourite part of my life
That Night
It was never my intention to get lost
But is it ever anyone’s either
But as I gaze into the misty silence
I am reminded of your eyes again
Your eyes that bled into the darkness
The pain of stitches that held your mouth close
The screams that were never heard
Because just like this abandoned night
They were, too, carved only into a single abandoned soul
I bear the brunt of this dusty darkness today
Just like you bore the searing mark of oppression each day
While the night calls itself lost
You, my mother, don’t even have the privilege of that
Just like I don’t have the privilege of resembling your struggles to the silent storms of the night
Because just like everyone I deserted you too in a fit of fright
Deserted you to the cold-hearted slab of ice sculpted by the hardest hands in the world
That never failed to test its strength on you each day
Yet that cold, brutal hand was not powerful enough to shake your soul
Just like this abandoned night, even with its threat of storms
It doesn’t let the skies part to weep a single ounce of its soul out
I admire this night for its boldness
Just like I admire you mother
But deep inside my heart, there is this hatred
Hatred for the relentless night that doesn’t let the moon even peek once into its distraught
It’s shielding it, I know, from the encircling devastation
But just once
I hope maybe just once, it could have trusted in its support
But slowly, the night is also parting its ways
There is no time left between us anymore
There is a ray that splits its way through the storm
Silently asking me to let the darkness go
I hope you know as I bid you farewell
I do it with a promise of redemption
I know you are not too eager to see me again
So maybe this time I won’t fail or run away
Maybe this time would be an exception
As the first glimmer of warmth reaches me
I remember your last embrace
It still hurts, and I am still lost
But there is comfort in knowing you are at peace finally
At your resting place
The specs of the night finally fade away from the night
As I bid adieu
Walking back, the last thought in my mind is
I hope I can meet your eyes
Once I am finally with you