The door closes behind me

And I breathe a sigh of relief

Finally all alone

I like it here, would you believe?

Believe me

It doesn’t get better

Stumbling onto the soft bed

And snuggling with my old sweater

Listening to every and any kind of music all around

With no prying eyes

And no judgemental frowns

The sign of isolation

Fills my room with magic

It takes away my melancholy and everything that you might call tragic

Here, I console myself

And I make myself laugh

Here, I make myself believe

That life cannot be just a linear graph

The most honest conversations I ever have

Are behind those doors

Where my selfish self can breathe

Without thinking that others are keeping scores

I’m perfect here

Because imperfection is the theme behind

I can choose to say no here

And you know what, this time, my heart won’t mind

The same heart that flutters at new conversations

That makes me think twice, thrice, a billion times

Before any alterations

Here is the only place it finds its calm

Where I usually sit with a smile on my face

And a book in my palms.

Here all the fantasies are true

And everything achievable

Political chatter is welcomed

Without being called unreasonable

Everything is possible here

Without the fear of others

This is where I am best

Where I am always willing to be rediscovered

You might call me an introvert

You might say this is not how you live your life

But to tell you the truth

The behind-the-scenes

Are the favourite part of my life

That Night

It was never my intention to get lost

But is it ever anyone’s either

But as I gaze into the misty silence

I am reminded of your eyes again

Your eyes that bled into the darkness

The pain of stitches that held your mouth close

The screams that were never heard

Because just like this abandoned night

They were, too, carved only into a single abandoned soul

I bear the brunt of this dusty darkness today

Just like you bore the searing mark of oppression each day

While the night calls itself lost

You, my mother, don’t even have the privilege of that

Just like I don’t have the privilege of resembling your struggles to the silent storms of the night

Because just like everyone I deserted you too in a fit of fright

Deserted you to the cold-hearted slab of ice sculpted by the hardest hands in the world

That never failed to test its strength on you each day

Yet that cold, brutal hand was not powerful enough to shake your soul

Just like this abandoned night, even with its threat of storms

It doesn’t let the skies part to weep a single ounce of its soul out

I admire this night for its boldness

Just like I admire you mother

But deep inside my heart, there is this hatred

Hatred for the relentless night that doesn’t let the moon even peek once into its distraught

It’s shielding it, I know, from the encircling devastation

But just once

I hope maybe just once, it could have trusted in its support

But slowly, the night is also parting its ways

There is no time left between us anymore

There is a ray that splits its way through the storm

Silently asking me to let the darkness go

I hope you know as I bid you farewell

I do it with a promise of redemption

I know you are not too eager to see me again

So maybe this time I won’t fail or run away

Maybe this time would be an exception

As the first glimmer of warmth reaches me

I remember your last embrace

It still hurts, and I am still lost

But there is comfort in knowing you are at peace finally

At your resting place

The specs of the night finally fade away from the night

As I bid adieu

Walking back, the last thought in my mind is

I hope I can meet your eyes

Once I am finally with you