You know, there are close to sixty thousand thoughts inside a person’s head everyday. And I think I’ve grown to like the idea of surrendering every thought to someone. What a noble cause. A reason to live, another to die.
It’s always about the little things I’ve learnt.
As I write this, I see maa praying. A sight so holy, so sacred, it can put thousands of mosques to shame. Her voice is like homemade mango jam, the one that nani makes every summer.
The smooth, glistening look of it. If the walls of my house could be outstretched any further, if the number of rooms in my house were more than the number of times my lover swore, my house would be home to every homeless person maa knows of.
The exact measurements of her heart might come across as far fetched. So think of a heart, as wide as the vastness of the sky, as far-reaching as the cry of the rain, as wholesome as
Until the fifth month of pregnancy maa didn’t know there was a child coming. She wasn’t expecting me, she says. I like how her lips move a little to the left everytime she smiles. Her revelation didn’t make me feel bad. Maybe it doesn’t feel as personal as I would’ve liked it to be.
The last few days, I watched the night break into dawn. There’s so much time to think now. It makes less sense to keep reiterating ‘what a weird time it is to be alive’. There’ll be no better time to be alive. There’ll always be a pandemic, out in the world, or inside of us. There’ll always be wars and battles, blood on our hands and in our streets. Another traumatic disaster. Another heartbreak. Another loss.
I learned to bake the perfect banana marble cake. Not that I am keeping count, but I said ‘I love you’ for the maximum number of times this week. Now that I think of it, I love you sounds a little more familiar than my mother tongue. It’s an amazing thing to be in love, even better to have someone love you so much, it all feels surreal.
It’s always about the little things I’ve learnt.
Saheen Rahman
Saheen is a writer and a Communication student currently pursuing her Postgraduate degree. She finds beauty in monotony and in run-of-the-mill things. She wants her work to be a voice of rebellion, a sword for change, a lifeboat to save someone else from drowning. Strongly believes that Art is in everything, big and small, we only need the unavoidable and insatiable hunger to find it
