In this piece titled “The Dirty Me” the author says she is ashamed to show herself. She is ashamed to show them. Because the society that she grew up in, tells her how she is not supposed to be.

I am unattractive. I am struggling with ill-favored looks that don’t present me in a pleasant way. I am afraid I would never be able to reach the notions of beauty of this world. I never knew that dark skin was a sin. I am a big disappointment. My apologies to you!

My eyes are teeny weeny. My nose is elephantine and my lips have cracked edges. I have a gummy smile. My hair looks disheveled and greasy. Sweety, I let you down. I am sorry, again.

I am a big fat girl. I have got no curves in my body but a flabby stomach, plump waist, thick muscles, stout legs and big thighs. And also stretch marks around. I know, what a shame I am!

I was never told, “Chubby cheeks, dimple chin, rosy lips, teeth within, curly hair,” is what you desire to live with. Other than this, everything else is ridiculous. Why am I even here?

When I told that I fit into 38, they looked at my waistline and threw a creepy smile on my face. My ugly body doesn’t fit into 32s anytime. Sorry boss, I am not up to your expectations!

I have criticized myself. I have gone through pressures, diets, took thousands of steps, ran miles. Still, I couldn’t be the one that you always wanted to have. I am far from being charming and I can hardly mesmerize you. I know, good-looking, attractive, and magnificent aren’t meant for me. I am not the one!

I tried Treadmill, Kettlebells, and bent and stretched my body, to prove my worth. Yet again, I am a big failure.

What else can I do to impress you?

But I can talk about classic literature, write poems for you and recommend the best romcoms on Netflix. Oh wait, these aren’t enough? I know! My Math and Science abilities are of no use. The point of having degrees doesn’t make sense now.

But I am exceptional in solving puzzles, I am good at PlayStation, I can give you a challenging checkmate. I can play golf and go trekking along with you. I can do.. Ugh, still, it doesn’t attract you, right?!

Hey, I can cook, I can deal with pets and handle kids.

I am good at trading. I can extend my support whenever you want to invest in cryptos and I can talk about the trending technologies. I can assist you prepare for your next exam. Also I can help you overcome the differences with your managers and deal with your teammates. Does that fascinate you? Mmm, I know it isn’t.

I am capable of managing finances and I have held managerial positions in my career. I can sing, dance and paint for you. I can help you embrace your styling and suggest the best place to check out Biryani tonight. Does that interest you? Huh.

Whoops, I broke your heart. I am unacceptable. Pardon me, darlin’. You don’t deserve me, Goodbye!

(This story was first published on Sravya’s blog on Medium.)

Sravya Bandaru

Communication is an art and art is a form of communication. So Sravya holds a Master’s degree in both. She believes that when they both go hand in hand, it is a treat to the senses. Hence, she is currently pursuing a Ph.D. in “How to Write Dance.” She croons, grooves and captures, and is also a movie buff. Above all, she enjoys writing. Her instagram handle is @sravya_krish