I have been living with lies
Ever since I came into being.
Lies I told myself about me –
Every possible misbelief!
If I wasn’t bound in my own darkness,
I would’ve shared my deepest secret –
That I had finally fell for the one.
It’s been eighteen years,
Since we first locked eyes.
This serendipity of universe drove me crazy –
How a normal day in mid-April
Changed my whole life.
The sun felt so calm in that moment
As the breeze simply kissed my cheeks.
I took a moment to capture you,
But you were ordinary – just like me!
My younger self wasn’t like those lovers in movies.
I neither spent hours thinking about him,
Nor did I ever leave a hint.
I never wanted to be chased,
I have always enjoyed the beauty of silence
Rather than a garland of words.
I didn’t hide my heart cause my love was fake,
But it was all that I had to offer.
In this world where success is the standard
I had to prove myself first –
So I kept it all in and hid my eyes,
For they would’ve surely revealed my fervour.
I didn’t realize how I lost you,
Maybe you didn’t wish to wait.
But I wasn’t ready to love you yet –
No ! Not with my flaws.
After all this time,
You are still a part of my spring.
It has been eighteen years
And I am still in love, definitely.
I haven’t lived with the same zeal with which I write. I am not good at it, but am I good at living either” Well, I am learning. To live? No, to write. I am also living to learn. To write, right ? Yes.
I am someone who has passed the age to be labelled under the Instagram trend of “teenagers scare the living s**t out of me” (insert funny emoji, cause it was funny in my head). I don’t identify as a woman or a man but someone who chose to find an escape in the realm of words cause the one sewed by reality haunted me from a very young age. I identify as a person insanely in love with the idea of poetry. I still remember my excitement to write poetry on the word “bhrashtachar” cause that was a “new- difficult” word I learnt at the age of 6 while practicing for a patriotic song. I know I am not the best in this field and I truly admire the ones better than me, but I hope (cause that’s also something that keeps me alive) that one day, someone reads my poetry and tells me how much it has changed them. I want them to tell me that it made them feel seen. 💜