Behind The Scenes and That Night

Behind the Scenes and That Night
Artwork by Esha Suhail

The door closes behind me 

And I breathe a sigh of relief 

Finally all alone 

I like it here, would you believe ?

Believe me 

It doesn’t get better 

Stumbling onto the soft bed 

And snuggling with my old sweater 

Listening to every and any kind of music all around 

With no prying eyes 

And no judgemental frowns 

The sign of isolation 

Fills my room with magic 

It takes away my melancholy and everything that you might call tragic Here I console myself 

And I make myself laugh 

Here I make myself believe 

That life cannot be, just a linear graph 

The most honest conversations I ever have 

Are behind those doors 

Where my selfish self can breathe 

Without thinking that others are keeping scores 

I’m perfect here 

Because imperfection is the theme behind 

I can choose to say no here 

And you know what, this time my heart won’t mind 

The same heart that flutters at new conversations 

That makes me think twice, thrice, a billion times 

Before any alterations 

Here is the only place it finds its calm 

Where I usually sit with a smile on my face 

And a book in my palms. 

Here all the fantasies are true 

And everything achievable 

Political chatter is welcomed 

Without being called unreasonable

Everything is possible here 

Without the fear of others 

This is where I am best 

Where I am always willing to be rediscovered 

You might call me an introvert 

You might say this not how you live your life But to tell you the truth 

The behind the scenes 

Are the favourite part of my life

By Nathan Anderson
Photograph by Nathan Anderson

That Night

It was never my intention to get lost

But is it ever anyone’s either

But as I gaze into the misty silence

I am reminded of your eyes again

Your eyes that bled into the darkness

the pain of stitches that held your mouth close

The screams that were never heard

Because just like this abandoned night

They were too carved only into a single abandoned soul

I bear the brunt of this dusty darkness today

Just like you bore the searing mark of oppression each day

While the night calls itself lost

You, my mother, don’t even have the privilege of that

Just like I don’t have the privilege of resembling your struggles to the silent storms of the night

Because just like everyone I deserted you too in fit of fright

Deserted you to the cold-hearted slab of ice sculpted by the hardest hands in the world

That never failed to test its strength on you each day

Yet that cold brutal hand was not powerful enough to shake your soul

As just like this abandoned night, even with its threat of storms

It doesn’t let the skies part to weep a single ounce of its soul out

I admire this night for its boldness

Just like I admire you mother

But deep inside of my heart there is this hatred

Hatred for the relentless night that doesn’t let the moon even peek once into its distraught

It’s shielding it I know from the encircling devastation

But just once

I hope maybe just once it could have trusted in its support

But slowly the night is also parting its ways

There is no time left between us anymore

There is a ray that splits its way through the storm

Silently asking me to let the darkness go

I hope you know as I bid you farewell

I do it with a promise of redemption

I know you are not too eager to see me again

So maybe this time I won’t fail or run away

Maybe this time would be an exception

As the first glimmer of warmth reaches me

I remember your last embrace

It still hurts and I am still lost

But there is comfort in knowing you are at peace finally

At your resting place

The specs of night finally fade away from the night

As I bid adieu

Walking back the last thought in my mind is

I hope I can meet your eyes

Once I am finally with you

4doy75 1

Damandeep Kaur

Damandeep is pursuing B.Com (Hons.) from Sri Guru Gobind Singh College of Commerce. She is a content writer who wishes to change the world through her ink. She is always hoping to be a part of something extraordinary. She considers herself a blahcksheep because despite her engineering background, she is pursuing a degree in commerce and is passionate about writing without a care in the world.


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